I Will Follow You Into The Dark
by MooseOnARoof
Summary: Pre-Series 5, Post Wilson's Heart. One-shot Songfic as Wilson tries to deal with Amber's death on the rooftop of PPTH. Rating T for a slightly adult theme.


**Don't own the song nor House which is a shame as I would have been a hell of a rich woman by now.**

**A/N My first fanfic/songfic and hopefully not my last if you are all nice to me. No mean comments but constructive criticism is entirely welcome. Idea came to me while listening to this song by Death Cab For a Cutie and it seemed to fit for a fic. Hope you all enjoy. :D**

**Set after Wilson's Heart but before Series 5**

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_Love of mine some day you will die  
But I'll be close behind  
I'll follow you into the dark _

James Wilson swung his legs over the rooftop of the hospital. It was a cold evening and there was light snow falling onto the shoulders of his jackets and the tops of his shoes. Shivering mildly, he wrapped his jacket tightly around his chest to keep warm. He gently leant over and brushed the snow off his shoes.

Nobody knew he was up here. He wasn't even due back at work for another six weeks but he needed somewhere to think. Somewhere to collect his thoughts before he decided what his next step would be. He had been at a loss since Amber passed away. The little things like eating and sleeping were becoming increasingly difficult. Just getting up in the morning was becoming a chore. He had been here before after his countless divorces, his brother's disappearance and the death of his father but he had never felt so helpless and weak as he did now.

_No blinding light or tunnels to gates of white  
Just our hands clasped so tight  
Waiting for the hint of a spark _

_If Heaven and Hell decide  
That they both are satisfied  
Illuminate the NOs on their vacancy sign _

Amber was the missing piece of his jigsaw. The one who had made him happy again, who had snapped him out of living his life in autopilot. In a strange way it was nice to have someone around to stand up to House for him. Someone else who could manage his friend's insane behaviours. But now he was back to square one, only this time he felt there was no way out of square one.

He had cut himself off from House in an attempt to retain some sort of control in his life. But all it had succeeded in doing was making him and House more miserable then they were before. He wanted to be friends with House again but he wasn't sure he had the mental strength or the will to deal with him any more. Amber's death had literally sucked the life out of him.

_If there's no one beside you  
When your soul embarks  
Then I'll follow you into the dark _

Wilson pulled out two sheets of paper from his jacket pocket and unfurled them. There were two plane tickets and a hotel booking dated June 24th. He had planned on taking her to Rome for a surprise weekend away so they could get a break from work and in particular House. He never got the chance to show her the tickets. No chance to see the happiness spread across her face. No chance to get a grateful kiss and a hug for being a fantastic boyfriend. Rome had always been Amber's dream destination.

He folded the two sheets back together and ripped them in half and half again. He tossed the scraps over the ledge of the roof.

_The time for sleep is now  
It's nothing to cry about  
'cause we'll hold each other soon  
In the blackest of rooms _

This last week since the crash he had a felt like a complete zombie. Emotionally defunct and unable to function properly. His mind consumed with guilt, anger and sadness but with no way of showing it. But tonight he had finally snapped.

Searching through their wardrobe he had found a small wooden box which he had never seen before. After flipping open the lid he had found smaller boxes each with dates written on the lid. 3rd March, 7th March, 27th February, 16th March. He cast his mind back and realised that these dates corresponded with dinner dates that he and Amber had. Inside each of these smaller boxes was an item they had used on their dates. A rose petal on the 7th March; half a chopstick on 16th March. All these tiny trinkets she had kept to remind herself of what they had. Wilson couldn't bare it and he burst into tears for the first time in a week.

This outburst of emotion had led him here but he had no idea why. He stood up and looked carefully over the ledge. There was nobody down there, just a collection of small hedges skirting the back of the hospital.

_If Heaven and Hell decide  
That they both are satisfied  
Illuminate the No's on their vacancy signs _

A small voice in the back of his head uttered '_"Jump"._ He shook his head and backed off the ledge. He couldn't jump could he? _Think of all your patients_ he told himself. _Your family, your friends, your colleagues_. But that is all he ever thought about, satisfying and pleasing other people. He couldn't recall a time where he hadn't done something with purely himself in mind. There was always House, a wife, Cuddy or a patient who came before him. Maybe this was his chance to do something for himself.

He cautiously stepped forward onto the ledge so the tips of his toes were in thin air. He was sick of feeling the way he was, sick of being a doormat, sick of attending to everyone's whim, sick of being weak. He was sick of being him and sick of being without Amber.

_If there's no one beside you  
When your soul embarks  
Then I'll follow you into the dark  
Then I'll follow you into the dark _

He zipped up his jacket and opened his arms out wide. This was it. The end. He inhaled one deep breath and took one last look at the sky as tears streamed down his face. He took a look down to make sure nobody was around. It was clear. No patients, no doctors, no gardeners.

He stepped out into the air and let the sensation of falling wash over him.

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A/N Very sad indeed. :( Hope you liked my little alternative take.


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